If you are a cheating spouse and want
to stay a cheating spouse here are some tips!
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As we are all aware, relationships are built around
friendship, commitment and trust. However, being a cheating spouse (or
the idea of it) has always been an idea that a man or woman has considered
during the course of any relationship. The idea of being a cheating spouse
presents something enticing that offers excitement and trouble all at
the same time. Unfortunately for many, getting caught is inevitable and
can become the beginning of the end for the relationship. But let's face
it, you are an idiot if you cheat on your partner. If you don't want to
be with the person, tell them and move on. Who knows maybe your partner
will entertain the idea of a third party...
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 1: Keep track of your lies
Nothing will ruin the art of being a cheating spouse
more than not knowing which lies go with which situation. Forgetting that
you were supposed to go get milk and instead come back with a sweat-soaked
shirt and an excuse you used last week leaves your spouse to think you
were getting "other" sources of protein. Having your lies set
up before you go on your booty call is the quickest way to getting a Bachelors
degree in the Science of being A cheating spouse.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 2: Keep your lies to a minimum
The most successful cheating spouses I know (believe
me, I know a lot) are always on top of their cheating spouse adventures
because they keep them as simple as possible. Telling your significant
other that you need to help your manager plan next quarter's market analysis
provides you with that window of opportunity for that weekend hook-up.
However, do not and I mean DO NOT add lies on top of lies. Telling your
spouse that you are working on the company's market analysis every Saturday
afternoon followed by extra public relations work in the evening will
have him or her asking questions about everything you did that day. This
is why adding lies on top of lies will get you in trouble faster than
a fat kid eats a Kit Kat and it will leave you with no one to blame but
yourself.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 3: Do NOT tell your friends you
are a cheating spouse
Even though they will always say, "I won't tell
anyone" putting a friend in the position to screw up your relationship
is the worst thing you could do. Anybody who has juicy gossip is going
to fumble the ball sooner or later. This has recently happened to a cheating
spouse friend of mine who told a group of friends about his booty call.
Two hours and a six-pack later, everybody at the party new about the other
girl and the next day he was on his ass looking for a new roommate. So
what have we learned from this lesson? Don't be a Dick, tell no one about
your BEING A cheating spouse.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 4: Do NOT be A cheating spouse
with your partner's friend
Let's take a second to think about this. Should I sleep
with someone that nobody knows or her best friend since high school? Hmm,
that's a tough one.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 5: Keep yourself clean
Always be prepared to have the cleaning products needed
to keep you from getting caught. Perfume or cologne should be used to
disguise any smell, but try not to overdo it. As well, make sure to check
for male/female hair on your clothes. Finally, do not keep your booty
call's underwear in your glove compartment. You are just asking to get
caught.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 6: Do NOT become the victim of
a set schedule
So you call your booty call every Friday night for the
hook up right? Yeah genius, a twelve year old could pick up on that habit.
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 7: Keep your cool if confronted
on your cheating spouse ways
Why is there a song out that talks about a girl crying,
stuttering over her words and basically sealing her doom as a cheating
bitch? It is because she did not have, as I like to say her "game
face" on. Stressful situations will always affect people, but the
key is to manage these stressful affects. Maintaining a calm and patient
manner will quickly resolve any pressing questions your spouse or significant
other throws at you. Besides, if the President of the United States is
able to keep his composure in front of his family, Kenneth Starr and millions
of television viewers that he, "did not have sexual relations"
than why can't you?
CHEATING SPOUSE RULE 8: Use Protection
Since your cheating spouse ways are putting your partner
at risk for STDs, make sure to use protection. Its the least you can do
for your partner.
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